i think it's unfair that people younger than me know more of what i should. maybe it's because i wasted years of my life playing RO. i was enjoying my "childhood" when i should be studying, and learning the things i need. but it's only recently that i realized that enjoy doing work. work that involves my interest. as of the moment, i am not learning the things i need to know. i am way behind everyone else. i wonder how most young adults in my age can stand the feeling of being incomplete. i am 20 years old. i should have graduated last sem. but instead, i am a year behind schedule. it sucks. i hate the way im feeling now. seeing younger people do better than me makes me motivated to study on my own. but time is my enemy. and my brain doesn't seem to take what i'm trying to learn. how i wish i could just stay at home, infront of my computer, surfing the web, learning online. it is better than going to school everyday, spending money on transportation and food, only to find out that the teacher won't be teaching, or that there is no classes. ah, realization is hitting me. i am being awakened to the truth that reality is hitting me soon. is it what they call maturity? i have been labeled childish or kid at heart by many, because i prefered playing than working, being a kid than being an adult. but i can't hide it anymore. i am 20. as much as i want to stay a teen, i can't. i am smart. i keep telling myself that. i need to believe that i can achieve anything that i want to. because i know i can. i am versatile. i am an easy learner. where did my brain go? often times when i try to review for a quiz or exam i get headaches. i thought it was because i don't use my brain much. for some reason, i got used to slacking off. why? because i can pass without studying. even i don't know how. sometimes i think that if i studied hard when i was still in high school, i could have done better than the usual honor students. you may think that im so boastful but if u really know me like how my family knows me, you would say the same thing. back to being childish, i believe it is only on the outside. because i didn't want to grow up. i may often speak before i think, but when i think i don't speak. that is why most people don't really know me. they don't really know what's going on in my mind. and now, a more serious me is blogging. saying what my mind wants to say. not just me usual self. in other words, u may say i am "pretending". even i don't know. sometimes i can explain things others don't seem to understand, or pretend to understand. it's pathetic. just to shut me up they would agree, when they don't even understand. annoying. days ago, i encountered an old highschool mate and i told him that we were not THAT close during those days. and he told me that most of them thought i was weird. maybe i am. or maybe im normal and they're the ones who's weird. we don't know. i myself think im weird. why? have you been reading? can't you see how weird this is. i can't even explain. ah, i see i'm going off course from where i started. why do we need degrees to get jobs when what they teach in college doesn't really apply in real life? im taking up Computer Science and we have some subjects that i think are not useful to the course. Like math, they say we do need math in programming and i believe that. i hate math. but im not saying this just because i do. in my course, we are to take 6 agonizing subjects of math. that's 18 units. don't we just need the basics and the concept of algebra? what to we need calculus and integral for? i hate math. and then there's public service. we're studying to be programmers, analysts, web designers, technicians. why does the curriculum have public service when we don't really do anything there? yes, sometimes we do but what's the point? we're not studying to be caregivers or social workers.. we want to learn about computer! how about P.E.? i love P.E. and it's the only subject where i get high grades but, we'll be infront of the computer working! why do we need physical fitness? i hope you get what im trying to say here. i believe that since my course is about computer and programming, my subjects should be more about it, not politics and philisophy and history. we won't need in when we get a job! it's F***ing waste of money! so you say take a vocational course, DUH! it would be so hard to get a job without graduating college.. and nowadays you have to have atleast 2 degrees to get a good paying job or else you'll end up in call centers or fast food chains.. ARGH! so far my life is getting boring the more i try to study and learn. but i keep in mind that everything is for the future. everyone may be slacking off and enjoying going to gimmiks today but when that time comes, they'll be suffering and i'll be having all the fun! YAY! oh! oh! i remember, i wonder how some people have jobs, party all night, and do other stuff.. time management. i have to practice that. so i can be SUPERNIX! one day. Lmao. as of now i feel like my schedule is soooo hectic. and to think i only have school and leisure. >_> off i go to bed! feeling: watching: Sassy Girl Chun Hyang